So yeah, this definitely goes down in history as the worst I've ever hurt myself, at least in terms of how much medical attention I've had to receive.

Turns out that what originally happened was they'd thought I'd only nicked the tendon sheath, not the tendon itself. So the original surgeon sewed up the sheath, muscle, and skin. When I met with the hand surgeon, he took a look at my thumb and instructed the nurses to put me in a cast for a week, after which he'd take another look at it. The hope was, with my thumb immobilized, it'd heal up by itself. That happens sometimes, I guess. This wasn't one of those times. At the end of the week of becastedness (my first cast!), I went back to the surgeon, who asked me to try moving my thumb and then scheduled me for surgery 3 days later. I was kinda freaked out. I'd never had surgery before. But Tom took me to the hospital three days later, sat with me in the little prep room, and took me home after it was all over. (The sedative they gave me for the surgery included something that gave me mild amnesia on top of being all muddle-headed, so my memory of the surgery itself is pretty hazy. I stared at the huge light fixture and thought random thoughts until they pulled back the curtain and oh look! There's my hand all wrapped in bandages.) The post-surgery instructions included an injunction NOT TO WORK until I got the temporary plaster cast (hidden beneath the bandages) removed and a proper fiberglass cast put in its place. So I spent ten days taking a lot of walks, hanging out at Tom's house, and getting addicted to icanhascheezburger.com.

Two days ago, I went back to do the whole cast-replacement thing. My cut looked much better this time. Before the surgery, the initial cut hadn't been healing properly. Even after two weeks, it was still partially open on one side. This time, after 10 days, the cut had pretty much completely sealed. They put my fiberglass cast on (I got a black one this time, and decorated it with silver Sharpie and acrylic paints to look like a bionic arm!) and told me I could go back to work with the same restrictions as the last time I had a cast (only lift 2# with my right hand; unlimited use of my left hand, etc. etc.). Sooooooooooooo I went back to Grocery today.

I get this cast off on October 12th. According to my surgeon, I'll be good as new then.

Work had me signed up for Workers' Comp from the start, apparently. Since I was hired full-time and was only able to get part-time work due to my injury, WC is paying me the difference, plus compensation for the week I wasn't allowed to work at all.

Other than freakishly getting used to having a cast on my right arm, I'm doin' pretty darn well. Huzzah!

(Oh, side effect of all this: I chopped my hair back to 80's new-wave punk lengths so I could wash it one-handed! It looks cute :))

I'd originally thought, this last time that I cut myself at work, that it wasn't too bad. I even fought going to the hospital. Then the doctor told me I'd nicked (and therefore caused a rip in) the tendon on top of my thumb. I had three stitches put into the tendon to reconnect the ripped portions, four stitches to reconnect the muscle, and four stitches to suture the skin together. I was given a prescription for antibiotics, my thumb (and hand) were wrapped with a small splint to keep my thumb in place, and I was told I wasn't to use my right hand for 10 days, after which I could get the stitches out.

The doctor also told me that there was a chance I may have to contact a hand surgeon if I didn't regain full use of my thumb in that time.

I was allowed to take the splint off after 3 days, which I did. My thumb still aches, but it doesn't hurt like it did initially, unless I try to bend it. I have full range of motion at the base of my thumb, where it connects to my palm, but the second joint is very stiff. I can't really bend my thumb further than 10 degrees, and...I can't straighten it at all, unless I use something else (like my other hand) to straighten it. There's no pain in straightening my thumb; I just don't have the ability to do so without outside assistance. It's like there's nothing there. That worried me enough that I called the hospital today to ask if that was just a normal stage of the healing process, since I still have 5 days until the stitches come out. They said no. I should have some control in straightening my thumb.

I was instructed to contact the hand surgeon whose information was provided in my ER release papers as soon as possible. As my boss is the one with those papers, I have to go out to work tomorrow and ask for them, and explain why.

At this point, I have about an 85% likelihood of needing to get hand surgery to fully repair the tendon and regain full use of my thumb.

I have no idea how long that's going to lay me up in terms of being unable to work.

I was lucky enough to get part-time work through WSGC, helping the Grocery department stock on truck days. It's made me violate the injunction to not use my right hand, but I'm not trying to use my thumb at all. It does get bumped and knocked around from time to time, but no more than it would by rolling over in my sleep or putting on my clothes in the morning, so I figure that's ok. What terrifies me is that I'm going to get surgery and they're going to demand that I NOT WORK for however long it takes for my hand to recover.

I can't afford that. People keep telling me I should just take the Worker's Comp. and that'll be enough (and it would; just barely), but I can't just NOT WORK for weeks! I'd go crazy with guilt, not to mention the forced inactivity. It's been bad enough as it's been so far, having difficulty dressing myself, tying my shoes, and not being able to bike (although it's been nice enough, walking everywhere). But hand surgery would pretty much guarantee that my right hand would be almost completely out of commission while my thumb healed. That terrifies me.

..no, honest! Barely two weeks after smacking my head open against a truck, I manage to chop off part of my right index finger while chiffonade-ing spinach at work. On the plus side, I don't have to pay for the hospital trip for this one. On the other plus side, I have a groovy wound to play with again. However, even though I'm left-handed, I DO use my right hand for many tasks, and having a huge wad of gauze on my right index finger has been annoying. Thankfully, the gauze came off two days ago and the false scab finally came off today, so the full-on healing has commenced and probably won't take more than a week to complete.

(False scab = gauze saturated in a clotting agent that was layered over the missing piece of my finger in an attempt to stop the bleeding without having to cauterize the wound. Basically, I was paper-mache'd with my own blood for glue. Nifty! Once the wound had closed itself up by skin re-growth, the false scab came right off.)

I have made a vow to try to avoid any more hospital trips this year. Sure, my health insurance kicks in soon, but I'm not THAT fond of getting injured. Minor cuts, scrapes and illnesses don't bother me, but I'd prefer to stay away from those things that require professional attention. Besides, these injuries keep interfering with life! I don't LIKE getting laid up for a day or two to recuperate. Bleh.

I move this weekend. The imminence has gotten so strong that all I can do now is sit, half-paralyzed, and try to make plans.

Thursday after work, I'm helping my previous employers with a catering gig. After that, I'll probably head home and start the Final Pack.

Friday is Final Pack day. Basically, that means running around the apartment, finding all those things I've had here for the last 8 months and throwing them into boxes and bags. Small appliances, books, clothes, toiletries, etc. etc.

Saturday is Moving Day. Unfortunately, the truck rental doesn't start until 3pm, so that means more running around the apartment, trying to make sure I've grabbed everything and getting things into some semblance of order for being loaded. I can officially move into my apartment at noon, so I'll probably spend some time in my empty space, doing the move-in checklist, while I wait for 3 to roll around. I'm most likely going to be assisting with Gabe's move, since it's his truck rental (and the faster that gets done, the sooner I can get my stuff loaded and moved). The truck has to be back by 9pm, which means I'll have enough time to get things unloaded...and then I have to go to bed, since I work at 6am Sunday morning.

...that's about all I have planned. Once I move, I won't have internet for a while (other than when I take my laptop downtown), until I can either a) find someone in my building who's willing to share a wireless connection with me in return for help on the bill, or b) convince myself to pay the exorbitant monthly fee for getting ONLY internet installed in my apartment. we'll see which comes first. :P

...because it's more fun to do it this way than to write it down in a notebook that will likely be lost or shredded by frolicsome felines in the next two weeks.

THINGS I NEED FOR THE NEW APARTMENT:
- Shower curtain
-(if necessary, curtain liner)
- Curtain rings
- Bathroom trash can
- Toilet paper
- Hand soap
- Toothpaste
- Kitchen trash can
- Kitchen recycling can
- Trash bags
- Recycling bags
- Plastic wrap
- Tin foil
- Ziplock bags
- Paper towels
- Dish soap
- Dish drying rack
- Dish cloths
- Green scrubby pads
- Sponges
- Broom & dustpan
- Cleaning agents (vinegar, baking soda, lemon juice, etc)
- Laundry detergent
- Floor lamp (most likely a hydra lamp)
- Small nails (for hanging art)
- 5' square shelving unit (to act as a kitchen pantry)

THINGS I DON'T NEED (BUT WANT) FOR THE NEW APARTMENT:
- Curtains
- Windowsill herb garden (pots, seeds, dirt)
- Doormat
- Coffee table
- Accent pillows for the couch
- Combo dry erase/cork board
- Shoe rack
- Sofa table (extra prep space for the kitchen, and it'll break up the room a bit)

(and people wondered why all I wanted for my birthday was Target gift cards!) *laughs*

This is gonna be pricey. >.< *sigh*

A few of you (namely coworkers and the few other people I've talked to in person over the past 3 days) have already heard the whole story, but I know most of you only know the bare-bones details of my recent awesome-scar-inducing head injury. So in the interest of saving time (and setting your minds at ease), here's what happened:

This past Saturday, I attended the Healthcare Reform rally in downtown Madison. Immediately afterward, I was biking home. For those of you who know Madison, I was on Sherman Avenue, right outside Lakewood Gardens. For the rest of you, I was here:

View Larger Map
This is a no-parking street, and I've been biking up and down its length for the better part of the last year and a half, so I've gotten used to its being empty of any unusual traffic. This day, however, I wasn't so lucky.

My front tire had been a little wonky of late, occasionally losing air pressure for no good reason, so I'd gotten in the habit of keeping an eye on it. Coming down the hill before Lakewood Gardens, it had seemed a bit wobbly, so as I started up the adjoining hill, I looked down at it to make sure it wasn't low on air. Out of my upper peripheral vision, I suddenly noticed a large black thing directly in front of me. Basically, it looked like this:



(only the lift was black and the truck door was up)
Since I was just a few feet away from it and going my uphill cruising speed of about 15mph, I didn't have time to do more than begin crushing my brakes before I slammed directly into it. My forward momentum flung me headfirst off the bike and into the edge of the floor of the truck. It hurt, but I can't say that it hurt more than any other time I've ever hit my head on something. It took me about a half a second to go "OW!" and notice my phone had fallen out of my backpack and slid to the ground beneath the loading deck before blood started gushing from my forehead, at which point I had two thoughts: "Wow, that's a lot of blood," and "Tom's gonna kill me." (Y'see, Tom's been on my back for months about how I really should buy a bike helmet.) Then I said, "Fuck" a lot, tried to used my hand to stem the blood, and hollered, "Help! Blood! Ow! Help!"

The couple who'd been loading the truck came running out to do just that, and they were very nice, very concerned, and very helpful. They gave me paper towels to help stop the bleeding, let me into their apartment to wash off the worst of the blood, and called Tom so he could come get me and my mangled bike. (Offhand note: I wish I'd had the ability or presence of mind to take pictures of the actual accident scene. My bike had actually flipped upside-down and was caught on the chains of the loading deck, just hanging there. It was epic.) They offered to call an ambulance, which I declined (after all, I had just come from a healthcare reform rally because I won't have insurance for another 2 1/2 months, and after 13 years without health insurance, I KNOW how broken the system is and how much things like ambulances cost for people like me), but we did call the police so they could come and take an accident report. The policeman and Tom arrived at about the same time. The bleeding had pretty much stopped by then, but the officer said it was probably still a good idea if I had myself checked out at a hospital. (No, dangit! I refuse!) After getting the basic information, he told the couple that although they were technically breaking the law by parking their truck in a no-parking zone, he wasn't going to ticket them. (I didn't fault them at all. It was my own idiotic fault for assuming there wouldn't be anything there and not watching the road.) The guy was even nice enough to offer to pay for half the cost of getting my bike repaired, but at that point I just wanted to go see about getting my head fixed (somewhere outside a hospital), so I thanked him and declined, and Tom loaded my bike and my banged-up self into his car. I called Sage (Gabe's mom, who recently moved to Madison), since she's an RN, and she told me to come on out so she could take a look at me (although she wouldn't stitch me up because then she'd be practicing medicine without a license). She shaved around the wound, cleaned it, and applied some suture tape, but she, too, suggested that it would be a mighty fine idea for me to hit the emergency room, as the gash looked pretty deep in spots and she'd hate to see me get something in it and die of infection. (Grrr, the whole world is against me!) After reminding me that the Dean Care clinic was amazingly nice to me when I was horrendously sick back in January, Tom convinced me to go there and see what they could do for me.

Unfortunately, the clinics in Madison are only open until 5pm on Saturdays, and it was already 6pm.

So we went to the UW Hospital emergency room. Bleh.

For all that I know it's going to probably cost me around $1000, though, I was really impressed at the treatment I got there. The staff was caring and efficient (even the triage receptionist), sympathetic, and considerate. They listened to my impassioned worries about how much this was going to cost me, without insurance. They laughed at the irony that I had been returning from the Healthcare Reform rally. The nurse gave me the option of refusing the Tetanus shot (which I finally accepted because I can't remember when I last got one, and my tender head bits DID just come into contact with dirty metal), and the physician, bless his awesome heart, actually went around asking everyone he could about whether there was a cost difference between stitches and staples. (The answer: not really) Then he gave me the choice between getting thread or metal in my head. Well, I've never had staples before, and they sounded pretty cool, so I went with staples. (I actually thought that one through aloud, and he cracked up.)

So he put eight staples in my noggin, which now looks pretty badass, I must say. They sent me on my way shortly afterward, with instructions on how to get ahold of patient services once my bill arrived to set up a payment plan (I'm not sure yet if I'm going to do that; I might just pay the whole stupid thing right away, because I HATE having bills hanging over my head), and told me I could get the staples out in a week at any clinic. (Maybe Sage could do that...?)

Apparently, the fact that I never blacked out, never felt dizzy or nauseated, and wasn't experiencing much head pain at all was a surprise to everyone. I know I probably had at least a mild concussion, but my left knee was in a lot more pain than my head. I guess I really am thick-headed, just like my momma used to tell me! *chuckles*

The following day was Sunday, a work day, and as I'm usually the first person at work, I didn't have a clue who on earth I could call at 5am to tell them I had just had an accident and really shouldn't be working. So I went to work. It was going okay for the first couple of hours, but the constant knee pain and general tiredness and soreness was becoming a pretty big distraction by the time the kitchen manager got there at 8. He told me I shouldn't worry about going home, as my health should get my primary attention, but we were short-staffed that day and I explained that I'd feel just as bad about NOT working as my body felt about working.

...apparently, he realized that I was stubbornly going to insist on getting my work done before I'd feel okay about going home, so he threw on some kitchen clothes and helped me finish my list by lunchtime, at which point he told me, "Okay, now go home. And if you feel this sore tomorrow, CALL IN. Take care of yourself first, got it?"

(I love my job.)

So I went home. I took a long nap. Tom bought me a big bottle of Tylenol (the doctors had warned against me taking Aspirin) and wouldn't let me do anything strenuous for the rest of the day. Monday morning (yesterday), I woke up at 5am feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. (Or perhaps, like I'd hit a truck) So I called in to work. I felt like a shmuck, but the boss had been insistent, and I figured if I showed up and winced even once during the day, he'd probably verbally lambast me and send me home again. After getting about 10 hours of sleep (which is more than I've gotten in one day in...months), Tom brought me coffee in bed and told me we'd go get my biked fixed.

(I love my boyfriend.)

Wellllll, it turns out that I didn't just snap my front fork in two; the force of my front tire meeting my gear crank had warped the latter all out of shape (yet somehow, the wheel was fine. Weird) and caused some structural damage to the frame, so the guys at the bike shop said, "We can fix it; it'd cost about $300 and there's no guarantee that the frame would be structurally sound, but we can fix it if that's what you want." (Ahh, salesmen.) "However," I was further told, "we have a big sale starting tomorrow that includes 15-20% off all bikes and most accessories, so if you wanted to take a look at a new bike, we could give you the sale price today." (Ahh, salesmen!)

I left about an hour later with a new Cannondale Quick 5 and, yes, a bike helmet. All told, it cost me about $480, which is less than I paid for my previous bike. And it IS a better bike for the type of riding I usually do than my GT Transeo was. So I guess I came out on top there...just...an expensive top. Then again, as the guy at the bike shop said, "You can always shop for a new bike. A bike cannot shop for a new you. You got lucky." And heck, when it comes to replacing your primary mode of transportation, I'm way ahead of car owners. :)

This morning, I awoke feeling markedly better. I've iced my knee overnight the past two nights, and the soreness and stiffness is mostly gone. My neck is still sore, as are my shoulders, but no more than they would be by sleeping on them crookedly. My head's doing just groovy, the scar is coming along swimmingly, and no, it doesn't hurt unless you poke it really hard. (Although it's starting to itch, which is a great sign)

(That picture of my head was taken in the midst of writing this, so that really is exactly what it looks like right now, except the staples aren't actually multicolored. That's just my computer being all artistic without my asking it to.)

Since I felt so much better, I went to work, and it was a good day. Got all my work done in enough time to help out with other tasks, made a pretty tasty Seitan Stroganoff for the deli's daily special, and just enjoyed not hurting. At the end of the day, my boss walked in on me telling one of the payroll guys about my weekend, and said, "She came in half-dead and finished her list. We need more people like her." That really made my day.

So there you have it. Hopefully anyone who was still worrying won't worry further after this. I really am okay! But thank you very very muchly to everyone for all the well-wishing and sympathies. I feel awesomely loved!

The only real downside to all of this is the unexpected $1500 that I'm going to have to take out of savings to pay for the various expenses. But hey....better than being in a coma, right? Yeah, I thought so too.

Okay, to all you people who've known about my new job and have been pestering me for news: Today was my first day. I know I've been talking about it for the past two weeks, ever since I found out I had the job, but I didn't start until today. So.

As is normal for a first day on any new job, I felt pretty out of my league and somewhat bewildered. Not about how to do the everyday things like cooking, following recipes and cleaning, but just...getting used to a new kitchen, new coworkers, new policies and procedures. It's a busy workday, and since I didn't know where anything was, I ended up taking more time than I normally would to get things done because I'd spend longer than normal looking for ingredients! *shakes head ruefully* At the end of the day, the kitchen manager said I had a good first day and he knew I'd get the hang of things quickly, so not to worry if I didn't get as much done as I felt I should. (Which, of course, is exactly how I felt)

The coworkers all seemed really great, though. Very helpful and understanding of my confusions, all willing to give me advice on how to get things done more efficiently and offering to help when they had the time. Everything I'd hoped for, honestly. I made two soups in the morning, and the afternoon was spent prepping tofu, sun-dried tomato pesto, and pasta for pad thai. I was hoping to get the rest of the pad thai prep done (veggies and the like), but time ran out on me and I had to set it aside for tomorrow morning. No major mishaps, though, for which I was terribly grateful. Hopefully my learning curve (which is usually pretty high) will kick in and my first week will find me getting faster and more efficient. My coworkers all assured me that the first few weeks are the toughest and not to feel bad if things don't seem to be coming together as quickly as I want them to.

My biggest surprise, interestingly enough, came from the fact that when music was put on, I offered to plug in my iPod and everyone said, "Sure, go for it, we do that a lot"...and nobody had any issue with my incredibly eclectic music. Techno, punk, Indian pop, classic rock...nobody batted an eye. Wow. And they were actually pleasantly amused by my habit of singing along. So yeah...looks like I really do have the chance of fitting in well there. *whew*

This is a self-obsessed pity-party rant. You have been warned.

The people who have known me the longest and are closest to me should, by now, know a few key things about me:

1. I tend to put other people's needs ahead of my own on a regular basis.
2. I go out of my way to do things for the people I care about that will make them feel special.
3. This is not the environment in which I was raised: it's more of the way I was taught to be. However, seeing how happy it made people, I adopted it as my own.
4. I hate "family" holidays (Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc) and my birthdays.

These things are all related. In fact, number 4 is almost 100% due to numbers 1-3. Why is that? Well, it's a long story, but here's how it breaks down.

I was raised to be a good person. I was taught proper table manners, cooking, cleaning, pleasant conversation, how to listen, massage, mix drinks, be seen and not heard, and how to be a good hostess. Above all, I was raised to make the people around me happy. I was taught to pay attention to people's likes and dislikes. I was taught to use this knowledge when trying to do something nice for that person. I was taught that doing something spontaneously thoughtful was preferable to doing something reactionary. What that amounts to these days is things such as: when someone's having a bad day, I'll cook them a meal using their favorite foods. When money allows, I may randomly pick up a gift for someone that relates to something personal that they really enjoy (a toy, or book, or special cooking ingredient or tool; that sort of thing). I offer hugs and backrubs to people who look sad, lonely, or worn-down. When buying gifts for birthdays or holidays, I try to think of unique, personalized presents that have special meaning for each individual recipient.

After almost 31 years, that's just how I am. It's not going to change, and I don't really want it to change. I like being that person. People really seem to appreciate it.

The downside to that is that I'm also the sort of person who "just understands" a lot of things. I tend to be very accepting of people's quirks and oddities, and that follows through to understanding that most people aren't as thoughtful as easily as I am. Sorry if that sounds self-righteous, but I'm not sure how else to put it. Special things like those listed above come easily to me. They don't come as easily to most people. I understand that. However...

For all that I was raised to be the thoughtful, understanding person who tries to do special things to make people around me happy, the people around me, even growing up, were recipients. Not reciprocants. And as I've gone through my life, that really hasn't changed.

I almost never see my family. I rarely have the means to travel to see them, even though they don't live all that far away. When I did have a car, it was seldom a good enough car to take me more than an hour away with any reliability. And I haven't had a car since late 2002. Money is also usually an issue, as has been the ability to get time off from wherever I've been working. I've almost never held a job that paid me enough to take vacations, nor have I often held a job that garnered me vacation time. I'd love to see my family during the holidays, but most often that would require taking time off from a job that I can't afford to take time off from, spending money that isn't readily available to purchase bus or plane tickets, and usually would require getting picked up or dropped off from various bus stations or airports. Those conditions rarely come together. My family has no problems with me coming out to see them, but for some reason they don't see any point in coming to see me, despite the fact that they all have cars and vacation time and more money than I have. Those times that I've been dating someone who has a vehicle, I've asked if I can come to family gatherings with my significant other, but have been told that "holidays aren't a good time to introduce your boyfriend to the family" or "I really don't know if we'd have space for both of you."

So yeah. I don't really dig the holidays.

Birthdays....well, birthdays are another matter. The people who know me best know that every year, I end up planning my own birthday party. And most times, it rarely happens the way I hope. Heck, most years it barely happens at all. Maybe it's naive or self-serving of me, but every year I hope that those people I do special things for year-round might decide "Hey, Julia does so many nice little things for us all the time; for her birthday, we should try to do something nice for her. Plan a party. Do something special." Every year, it seems, someone will say around March or April "ooh, you know what would be awesome? For your birthday this year, we should do _____." And I'll say, "Oh wow, that sounds great! That would be spectacular!" Sometime around June, I'll ask "Um...are we still going to do ______ that you mentioned a few months ago?" Inevitably, the reply is something along the lines of "Oh. Right. Dang. Guess it kinda slipped my mind. We can still do that, if you'd want. Um...what should we do?" So two weeks before my birthday, I'll usually set off trying to plan something. Anything. And since it's only a few weeks away, usually by that point everyone has plans or responsibilities or vacations or family gatherings they'd committed to a month or more previously.

Everyone who's ever asked me knows that I've had the same kind of cake for my birthday since I was 6. I'll usually end up buying or making it myself.

I'm not shy about talking about the things I love doing: dancing, singing, playing Rock Band, movie nights....I generally end up trying to figure out how to get people together to do one or more of those things, and usually I'm met with, "Oh, dang, I've got something going that weekend/day. We can try doing something else later, though, maybe?"

I've lived in Madison for just over a year now. I've managed to make it back to Iowa to see my two best friends in IC twice in that time. Almost three weeks ago, I asked them both, "Please. Come visit me this time. Please come up for my birthday." They both said, "oh sure! That shouldn't be a problem!" and then waited until two days ago to ask for the time off, which they didn't get.

I found out several weeks ago that the latest Harry Potter movie was coming out the day after my birthday. Since then, I've told pretty much everyone I know that going to Harry Potter was my plan of choice for my birthday, since it would likely have a midnight showing on my actual birthday. Today I bought tickets for myself and my boyfriend. Right now, it's unlikely there will be anyone else coming. Or if they are, I haven't heard anything about it. Gabe had mentioned that he wanted to make sure he wouldn't have previous commitments on whatever day I was doing my birthday thing; when I told him about going to the Harry Potter midnight showing, he told me that his girlfriend may or may not be able to make it since she may be getting a new job; since he'd promised her he'd go to see it with her, if she couldn't go, then he wasn't going to go. I had to beg him to see it twice if that happened.

....how is it that people will tell me that I'm an amazing, wonderful person that they care about, but when it comes to my birthday I'm the last thing on their list? Seriously, it's not like I'm asking for diva treatment year-round. I'm not even asking for it on my birthday. I'd just like those people who get put first in my life so often to, just once, put me first on what is supposed to be a special day for me. The fact that it pretty much never happens is enough to make me feel totally worthless. And that is why I hate my birthdays.

I am officially giving up. I will not plan another birthday anything for myself. I will do my own thing, every year, by myself if need be. If other people decide they want to do something with me, they can come to me. But I'm tired of doing things this way. I'm tired of being shown time and again that I'm really not that important to the people who are important to me. And I'm sorry if this post comes off as whiny and bitchy. I'm sure it IS whiny and bitchy. If it makes people feel bad, I apologize, but this is how most people make me feel. Maybe if they are confronted with just how miserable these situations make me, they'll understand. Maybe not. At this point, I just can't work up the energy to care.

On Facebook, they have these little sidebar ads all the time. For me, they're usually ads for either art schools or culinary schools. The one prominently displayed right now is for Kendall College, and the headline reads "Become a Famous Chef."

I don't want to become a famous chef. I don't want to become a famous anything. I never have, save for a short time in my life when I wanted to be the lead singer for a popular rock band. I still want to be a singer (or drummer) in a band, but I don't care anymore if that band is famous or even popular. I suppose my life goals seem pretty banal to those types of people who crave the chance to leave a lasting impression on humanity, to have their name in lights or emblazoned on glowing national news headlines. My goals are thus:

1. To succeed in my chosen work field (in this instance, cooking). Not to become famous, or even well-known. Just to succeed in being a good chef; to have my food appreciated by those who eat it. I don't even particularly care if they know it was ME that made it (unless I'm cooking for friends and family)...I just want to know I'm doing it to the very best of my abilities.

2. To make enough money to pay my bills, keep a nice amount saved away for emergencies, and have enough left over to go out and have fun once in a while. Maybe take a vacation to another country (but that's what saving up is for, right?).

3. To have deep, lasting friendships with a handful of wonderful people.

4. To be remembered by those people closest to me as the girl who helped make their lives a little more fun, a little brighter, and who helped them to achieve their goals (even if only by being a great cheering section).

5. To never stop learning, never stop appreciating the wonder and intricacy of life.

That's all.

Screw fame. Screw monetary wealth. I just want to be happy.

Patience, perserverance and a positive attitude, that is. Wow. A lot of good happened yesterday.

1. I got the Co-Op job! *happy dance* I honestly had no idea how the interview was going until the kitchen manager said, "So, I'd like to offer you the job. When can you start?" He's a rather stolid person. I can respect that. From the sounds of it, he's been integral to getting the Co-Op's catering to be so popular and prolific in Madison, and he's done a lot to improve the overall kitchen standards and employee morale. We'll see if he's as good as he appears to be. Either way, I have an orientation at the Co-Op on Monday at 2:15, and I'll be starting sometime around July 12th (as my last day at Sunprint will be around the 10th). This means, of course, that I'll be working on my birthday, but honestly, I don't mind. YAAAAAY I GOT THE JOB!!!

2. My sinus infection seems to be clearing itself up without any outside help. I'm exceptionally grateful for this. Yesterday, the mucus was much less yellow and more fluid, and the pain in my face started to recede. It's continued that trend today. *crosses fingers*

3. I got my iPod replaced yesterday after getting the job at the Co-Op. I biked down to TDS (making my total for the day somewhere around 24 miles. Woot!), borrowed Tom's car, and went to West Towne mall to go to the Mac store. Despite the fact that it was close to the end of the day and the Genius Bar was full up, they put me on the Standby list and about a half hour later, gave me a replacement iPod (after first checking to make sure that the battery really was kaput).

And finally, this isn't a "yesterday" event, but today is Tom's and my six-month anniversary. I know, six months isn't much when you've been in an almost five-year relationship, but there's something kinda magical about half a year, especially when it's been such a good half a year. We're planning on finally using those free Sundance Cinemas passes Tom got back in March to go see "Away We Go". I was going to make fish tacos for dinner, but it'd be cutting the time a bit close, since Tom won't be getting home from work until about 8:45 and the movie is across town an hour later. I think he's planning on trying to take me out somewhere, although maybe not. His bank just royally fucked him across the board yesterday. They charged him overdraft fees on a check he deposited (by ATM) on Monday, but they didn't "officially" clear until yesterday. Mind you, he checks his bank account daily, and every day this week it showed the money he'd deposited as "available", and he's even used his debit card at ATMs to get cash out. If he didn't have money in his account, they shouldn't have let him remove cash from an ATM, and they DEFINITELY shouldn't have said that money was available and being used!! Overall, he ended up getting charged almost $300 in late and overdraft fees. Assholes. That almost halved his paycheck, which was supposed to go to pay rent this month! He's going to go to the bank to complain on Monday, and if they don't waive the charges (since it was most definitely and obviously their own goddamn fault...stupid banks. Greedy assholes. I swear they just did that so they could try to cadge more money out of him.) he's closing his account. Actually, even if they do waive the charges, he's still going to wait a few days and then close his account and open an account at one of the many credit unions around town. (Probably either Heartland or UW) He's been thinking of doing that for a while, but he's been with Chase for a long time, and they really haven't been all that bad until recently (and these are some of the assholes who got government money to keep them from going under!!), and the necessity of changing his Direct Deposit and auto bill-pay information with the various places he's registered seemed prohibitively difficult. This is the second time in as many months that it's happened, though, so I think he's finally reached his tolerance limit. So we may just be noshing on the (admittedly, very damn good) popcorn at the theater instead.

Anyway, in celebration of all this great stuff (well....for me, at least! *cringe*) happening, I picked up a $4 bottle of Wild Vines Strawberry Zinfandel and made strawberry coolers (ice, zin, and fresh strawberries. Nom!), which I am currently consuming. I also got all showered and shaved and prettied up and am now awaiting Tom's arrival at home, which will be in shortly under an hour.

La la la....

Today has been rife with ups and downs. I woke up this morning feeling kinda wonky, either from drinking last night (although I really didn't drink much; some times it hits me harder than others) or just a general malaise that's been plaguing me for the past month or so. My cough has pretty much died, but my nose still runs like crazy. Anyway, I went to get my iPod from where Tom had plugged it into his computer last night, since it (strangely, since 2 seconds earlier had said it had over half a battery charge) suddenly died at the High Noon Saloon. It said it was all charged up, so I unplugged it, and it immediately died. I plugged it back in, and it turned on again and said it needed juice. After a second or so, it said it was fully charged. I unplugged it again, and again it immediately died. Great. It's barely 3 months old and the battery crapped out on it. *sigh* But at least it's still under the 1-year manufacturer's warranty.
I go to work and discover that our regular Wednesday prep cook wasn't going to be coming in today. I had a huge list of prep that NEEDED doing and three catering orders that would guarantee that I wouldn't get to even start on the prep list until lunch. But then, wonder of wonders, our other chef voluntarily helped me do the entire prep list. Keep in mind, this is a guy whose usual MO is to shovel off even his own minimal prep tasks on someone else. So that was a real shocker, but a very welcome one.
After work, I went to Mac Xprts, the little local Mac shop where I purchased my iPod, to get it exchanged. I found out that since they're a small retailer, they don't have the necessary stock to do exchanges. I'll have to go to the Mac store in the mall on the west side of town to get a new iPod. Well, the first opportunity I'll have to do that is....Friday after work. So I have to resign myself to two whole days without biking music >.< *sigh*
Topping everything off, I deduced today that I have a sinus infection. It appears that's what my lingering cold decided to grow into. Stupid colds. They can't ever just go away; no, they have to invade some other part of my respiratory system and turn into something worse. (In case you're wondering, my deduction was based on the facts that 1) My left cheek feels like somebody punched me, except from the inside of my skull, and 2) My nasal discharge is both continuous, and the consistency and color of egg yolks. Yum.)

Well, I don't have medical insurance, so I'm just going to have to suffer through this sinus infection until I (hopefully *crosses fingers*) get the job at the Co-Op. They have the most amazing medical benefits package I've ever seen. I'll find that out soon: I have my secondary interview tomorrow, which is the last interview I'll have. After that, they either call to offer me a job, or call to tell me they're not offering me a job. We'll just have to see how that goes. I would really love to work there. I've wanted to work at the Co-Op since I lived in Iowa City; I had my resume pretty much permanently on file at New Pioneer Co-Op for any deli/catering positions that opened during the last two years we lived in Iowa. :)

Okay...gonna go...do...something else. Don't know what. Just something else. *nods*

I read them and I laughed. I used to be funny! These are from February of 2006:

Two Names You Go By
1. Julia
2. JuJuBee

Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. German
2. Germanic

Two Things That Scare You
1. Spiders
2. Eternity

Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. A heartbeat
2. Working lungs

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. Roaming Gnome flannel pajama pants
2. Blue short-sleeved sweatshirt

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (at the moment)
1. Natacha Atlas
2. Juno Reactor

Two Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love)
1. Frankness
2. Georgeness...okay, not really. Acceptance.

Two Truths
1. Nothing can progress without change.
2. Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You About the Opposite Sex.
1. Smile
2. Eyes

Two Physical Things that Appeal to you About the Same Sex.
1. Hair
2. Arms

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Painting
2. Reading

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. A cuddleable pet
2. A new government

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. Australia
2. Japan

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Live in another country
2. Lose some weight

Two Ways That You are Stereotyped
1. Brainless chatterbox
2. Overemotional, mind-game-playing woman

Two Things You Are Thinking About Now
1. I wish Gabe would stop eating every piece of snack food in the house.
2. What should I make for supper?

Two Stores You Shop At
1. Lane Bryant (when I can afford it)
2. New Pioneer Co-op

Two favorite web sites
1. www.penny-arcade.com
2. www.giantitp.com

Two cars you owned
1. Powder-blue 1985 Chevy Citation
2. White 1992 Chrystler New Yorker (salon editon..whee!)

Two pets you have
1. Balthazaar Dragon-eyes, Dwarf Hamster of Doom!
2. we used to have rats..Sasha, Mina, Bella, Kira, Ame, Yume, Penny, and Mukluk.

Two Sports ....in the spirit of the Winter Olympics....
1. Figure skating
2. Hockey

Two People who will fill this out
1. Someone
2. Someone else

Two things you did last nite
1. Hung out with Jerryn and [info]prince_aries, watching Donnie Darko.
2. Watched the Olympics with Gabe.

Two shows you like to watch
1. The Daily Show
2. Iron Chef

Two places you like to go "out" to
1. Go....."out"? Do I do that anymore?
2. um...Boston's?


I think I need to go "out" more..

This meme janked from [info]msmoon

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what did you think?
Is my second chin disappearing yet?

2. How much cash do you have on you?
None right now. Pajama pants have no pockets!

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?:
My middle name. Muaahahahahaha!

4. Favorite planet?:
Mars. Always Mars.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Adam & Jolene.

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?
....The one I chose as my main ring? Why else would I use it as my main ring? I believe my phone calls it "Chinese Melody".

7. What shirt are you wearing?
A short-sleeved blue sweatshirt my mom bought me back in 1998.

8. Do you "label" yourself?:
Only when I'm joking. I hate labels that are used seriously. When I'm in the mood, I label myself "nerd".

9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing now:
"Air"...I wear no shoes whilst lounging about the house!

10. Bright or Dark Room?
Depends; which room are you talking about? I like bright rooms to read or paint in, and dark rooms to sleep in.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
I think she is groovy-keeno and right-on, in a way that doesn't mix with those archaic phrases :).

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleeping. I had to work this morning.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
I delete them immediately and don't get that many to begin with. I think it was Jerryn wishing me Happy V-day.

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
About 2 1/2 hours away, in Ames. (If the 7-11 is even there anymore. There aren't many of them left in Iowa)

16. What's a saying that you say a lot?
"Indeed"..although that's more a word than a saying. For a while I said "Covered in beeeeeees!" a lot, but I got over that. I suppose "Have a good one!" is top on the list...I say that to almost every customer that I help at work.

17. Who told you they loved you last?
Gabe.

18. Last furry thing you touched?
My fuzzy socks. And then Balthazaar. Or does Gabe count? He's got a beard. If it counts, then Gabe.

19. How many days of school did you miss this week?
Every single one! I'm long out of school. I didn't miss any days of work, though.

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
I don't know. How many rolls of film does it take to develop me?

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
*blink* Ice? Dark? Ah, yes...83..that was a very good year. I dunno. That's a weird question. I don't think the good times of my life have been related in any way to what age I happened to be.

22. Your worst enemy?
Drak'kuth, Fire Lord of the Northern Reaches.

23. What is your current desktop picture?


24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"Okay, bye!" (on the phone with Jerryn)

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which would you choose?
I'd rather be able to fly, but then I'd probably get locked up in a lab and become an unwilling test subject, so I suppose I should stick with the million dollars.

26. Do you like someone?
I like many people. Liking people is a good thing to do in a world where you interact with so many people.

27. The last song you listened to?
I'm listening to "Shaolin Satellite" by Thievery Corporation right now.

28. Carmen Electra or Pam Anderson?
What am I choosing here? Largest breasts? Pam. Most dropped out of the public eye? Carmen. Biggest public embarrassment? Pam. Most attractive? Carmen. Person I'd rather meet? Neither.

29. If a tree falls on a mime in the middle of a forest, will the mime make a noise?
Yes. It will sound something like "squish/crunch/death rattle"

Just got this from a friend of mine:

The Ultimate Quote of the day


"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit."

I just added a couple people on here that I've known for several months now, but hadn't added since I actually didn't know they were on LJ until...well, just recently. Why? Because it seems like none of us has really been doing much on here lately. In fact, I only just started posting here again. But I'm welcoming tandooribone and jewelhobby to my LiveJournal circle of friends nonetheless!

Granted, what with Google Wave coming out soon, it looks like things like Facebook and LiveJournal may be falling by the wayside soon anyway. But I like being connected. :P

This doesn't even warrant a whole entry :) *chuckle*
1. Chicken with cashews from Great China
2. Chicken Saag or Chicken Tika Masala from Flavor of India

Yesterday, the weather blew goats. Cold, windy, sporadic spitting rain. Didn't stop me from getting stuff done. Woke up a lot earlier than I should have..went to bed around 3:30 in the morning and woke up around 8, but I decided that was a good thing and hopped on my bike to go downtown and pick up my paycheck. That done, I went to the bank and deposited the whole thing, which made me feel a lot better, since my checking count had been getting kinda low. It was only about 9am at that point, and none of the places where I can buy my particular brand of tobacco were open yet, so I biked back to Tom's and crawled back into bed with him to warm up. Once he was up and off to work, the shops downtown were open, so I hopped back on my bike with the lappy, my graphic tablet, and a bunch of fruit and went downtown again. I bought more smokes and went to ERC to cozy up to a large Chai. I did the crossword, read the paper for a bit, and then hunkered down to do some serious shading on the art piece I've been working on for my friend Tony. I finished it this morning:


Anyway, I'd originally been planning to go to Leather & Lace last night, but I realized that with all the biking I'd been doing (It's 5 miles from Tom's house to downtown, so by the time I biked back to his house that evening, I would have gone 20 miles), I wasn't really going to have the energy to do much dancing, and dancing is the entire reason I go to L&L. My friend Shane had been planning to go with me, so I got ahold of him and asked if he wanted to just come over and watch RiffTrax with Tom and me that night. He was all for it (anything that saves money!), so Tom Tweeted that we'd be having a RiffTrax night and everyone was invited. We ended up getting four people over to watch Top Gun and Roadhouse, eat Chinese, drink beer, and have a grand ol' time. I conked out around 12:30 (not surprising, considering my lack of sleep), but Tom woke me up at 4:30 when he was going to bed.

This morning was an easygoing one. I got up around noon, finished the art piece, and made Tom a goetta omelet when he woke up around 2. Then I just kinda puttered around on the internet while he played with the Wii, until I decided I was bored and thought "hey, there's leftover beer from last night and I've recently heard about a super-easy beer bread recipe. I should make beer bread!" Well, since all my bread pans were at home, I hopped on my bike once again and hightailed it to my house to grab them. Pans retrieved, I set about making two loaves of bread: one with Wild Blue (this fabulous blueberry lager) and one with Fat Squirrel (a great local nut-brown ale). Those just came out of the oven a half-hour ago, and OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!!! Oh my. So good! The blueberry loaf especially: it tastes like bread with a hint of blueberry muffin. Mmmmmm ^_^

Tom and I have been playing Wii sports for the last hour and a half or so. I really, really enjoy having a boyfriend that I can just hang out and have fun with. It seems like no matter what we do, we enjoy doing it more because we're together and our personalities mesh so well that everything ends up being fun. I know it's not the best description, but I'm still completely bemused by the whole thing. I don't think I've ever been this content in a relationship. I'm sure it sounds presumptuous to say something like this when I've only been dating someone for 5 months, but I really, sincerely can see myself spending the rest of my life with Tom. Not only are we at the same stage in our lives emotionally and mentally, but we're growing in the same direction. Those areas of our lives where we're developing differently, we're still in the right stages to help each other grow without being constricting or controlling about it.

I look at it this way: when we started dating, we'd already been friends for a little while. Long enough to figure out that we were compatible as friends, not so long that we'd gotten immersed in the "friend" mode. Long enough to know that we were interested in each other, but not so long that it had turned into some freakish obsession. It's like we picked the exact right time to start dating. And somehow, our relationship styles ended up matching far better than either of us suspected. From the first day we were "semi-officially" together (that being the day he got back from Cincinnati after Christmas), I was staying at his house. In fact, there's only been one day since then that I've slept at my house without him, and that was a week ago. Heck, that night a week ago was the first time since December that I'd slept at my house at all! For all intents and purposes, I've been living with him from day one. I just pay rent somewhere else, where the other half of my stuff is.

That's the biggest reason why this move in August is going to be so strange for us. We've effectively been living together since we started dating, always sleeping in the same bed at night. By the time we move, it'll have been 8 months, and suddenly we're going to be sleeping in separate beds two or three nights a week (mostly those nights that I want to be at home, since Tom's the one with the nice big bed). But....I know it'll work. We're too well-matched for it not to work :)

Tonight: karaoke at the Come Back In! From the sounds of things, it'll be one of the best-attended karaokes there in a while, considering Tom and I are going, as is Kelsey, Gabe, Josh, and possibly Emily, as well as the other regulars who aren't part of our group of friends :P. I'm sure Sid will be pleased; it's been pretty sparse there for a while, and with the summer here and school out, there won't be as many students coming in to party and sing badly on Sunday nights.

...I think I shall go have some more blueberry bread...

Despite the rain, I just biked back downtown to refill my supply of tobacco. That puts me at just a hair under 15 miles biked, before noon. Sheesh! I now plan to spend several hours at ERC. Tonight is RiffTrax with Tom and Shane. Huzzah!

It's raining. Not enough to warrant an umbrella (yes, I mean you, all you umbrella-toting people! You're not made of sugar), but enough to make you damp if you bike through it for 20 minutes. Oh, and chilly. Bleh. Not the best biking weather. But on the plus side, I did get my paycheck! Woo! I'm not broke anymore!

Overall, yesterday was a pretty good day. My special sold like hotcakes despite it being its normal ridiculously slow self at work (stupid nice-weather Fridays!), and I'd already gotten everything prepped for Saturday's morning workers, so I had tons of free time to decide what I'd be making for my special on Monday (decision: Chicken Tikka Masala wrap!). I got the chicken marinade made; didn't want to make the masala sauce too early, though, since it's made with heavy cream and I didn't think a heavy cream sauce sitting in a cooler for two and a half days would improve its taste much. >.< Went downtown to ERC after work, which was great, since I haven't done that much in the last week and I really do enjoy it. There's a guy I see there every time I go, who I've seen there many times before, but it wasn't until a couple weeks ago that he started talking to me. He's an odd duck. An ex-alcoholic (he attends meetings daily), ex-addict, religious theorist and drummer. Still, he's interesting to talk to and totally digs my artwork, so that's nice. I biked back to Tom's around 7 and worked on my art piece for my friend Tony until Tom got home; after he unwound for a bit, we went to the Naut-I-Gal for their once-a-month karaoke party. Kelsey met us there, which was something of a relief. Kelsey and Tom used to work together and developed a friendship out of the shared hellish work experience, although I think they'd have become friends even if they met under other circumstances. I met Kelsey through Tom way back before we started dating. We sporadically hang out together, but lately times have been few and far between that we see Kelsey at all. So yeah. After karaoke Kelsey followed us back to Tom's to sober up a bit for the drive home; we played E4 and Castle Crashers until 3am.

Another interesting meeting at the Naut-I-Gal last night: I ran into my friend Christian, who I haven't seen since last...September? Something like that. It's been close to a year. Totally blew my mind. The man doesn't seem to leave the house much, although I gathered that his 9-month disappearance had something to do with the gal he'd been dating. I know she's part of the reason why he stopped hanging out with me in the first place, although I get the impression that another part is that he thought I was going to try to lure him into a relationship myself. Granted, there was a time when I thought he might have been my type, but upon retrospect, I wasn't too keen on starting anything with a guy 10 years my senior who has a daughter in grade school. But oh well, if he wants to be skittish he can have his joy of it. I introduced him to Tom and gushed for a while about how ridiculously happy I've been, which probably made him a bit envious (seeing as how his relationship just ended) but meh, he deserves it for disappearing on me and not returning any of my messages for 9 months! Okay, okay, that's petty, but I'm allowed my occasional pettinesses. I'm a girl. Hopefully, though, it also set his mind at ease that I'm not interested in starting anything with him, and he'll get out and be more social again! I think we managed to convince him to come to karaoke at the Come Back In this Sunday (Kelsey convinced us through the cunning trick of offering to buy Tom a beer. *chuckle*).

I find myself getting antsy to visit my mom. I can't remember the last time I was actually excited about the prospect of driving to the middle of Iowa to see my parents. That's probably a bad thing, isn't it? *sigh* Oh well. It took me a while to get over my childhood baggage, what can I say? But after visiting Cincinnati with Tom and seeing where he grew up and the people he knew, I really wanted to show him where I grew up. In some ways I think that just seeing the house where I grew up explains a lot about me. And I do want to see my mom and Papa Bear again. I haven't seen them since Christmas '07. *grimace* But it's probably going to have to wait for a while, unless I decide to rent a car, because Tom's is in need of a thorough checkup and those cost more than he's got available at the moment. I do wish there was a way I could convince my family to come see me every once in a while. Part of the reason that I only see them once in a blue moon is because I always have to find a way to get to where they are. I think it'd be much easier to come see me, honestly. I hardly ever leave town! *grins*

Okay, I think I'm gonna go sneak off in Tom's car and grab my paycheck before he gets up and has to leave for work.

Me: "Hey, I'm gonna borrow your car, go back to my house, and grab a saucepan. Did you want me to get anything else?"
Tom: *thinks*
Me: "I don't mean buy...I'm not spending any money today; I just meant pick up."
Tom: *hands me his credit card*
Me: "What do you want me to get?"
Tom: *grinning* "Beer!"
Me: "What kind?"
Tom: "Your choice!"
Me: "Hmm, well, I was gonna drop off my resume at the co-op. How about I pick up some fancy co-op beer?"
Tom: *big grins*

I love this man. So much ^_^

Mostly, I'm just posting because I haven't done that in a while. Although I did find out one interesting thing yesterday: apparently my last boyfriend is an avid bisexual. At least, this is what his best friend told my best friend while they were all at a party a few days ago and my ex was frequently heading off with another (male) partygoer to diverse secluded areas of the house. This really wouldn't bother me if it weren't for the fact that during our courtship, my ex had mentioned that he didn't mind having bisexual friends but he wasn't interested in men at all. This is pretty much the exact opposite of what my friend was told. That little bit of information caused me to drop the last vestiges of guilt I had over the ending of our relationship. I mean, seriously, was he honest to me at ALL in the four months I knew him? This is what I get for getting involved with someone so young, I suppose. Never believe them when they say they're mature for their age.

The Great Move Day is fast approaching. In just over two months, I'll be moving into my very own solo apartment for the first time ever. I've had a couple moments of pure unadulterated panic, but other than that, I'm pretty excited. The fact that Tom and I will be living a lot closer to each other than we are now (well, technically. In all honesty, I basically live at his apartment, but I do pay rent on a place three and a half miles away) makes it a little easier to cope with the knowledge that I won't see him every night. It'll be nice to have Steve moving up here, too. I have my best friend from back home living in the same town with me; It's been a great relief at times to have that long-term link and someone who really knows you living nearby. So I'm glad that Tom will have that, too. Granted, he already had friends in Madison before he moved here, but this is someone he's known since high school. It makes a difference. Not to mention, he'll have the added benefit of knowing that he's helping someone get their life moving in a better direction. That kind of thing is a great boost to one's feelings of self-worth.

I'm looking around for a new job. I still really enjoy the job that I have, but things are starting to get tight and hours are starting to get cut, and I figure it's a good idea to have my options open. That, and after a while you start feeling like you've learned all you can readily learn in one place, and it's time to move on and hopefully up to the next level of experience. With the job market starting to close up and the economy slowly collapsing, it's harder to find a good-paying job that isn't already being besieged by those with more experience, but it can't hurt to try, right?