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30 March 2015 @ 04:13 pm
Building Walls  

When your only companionship, for most of your waking hours, is a nigh-threenager, you find yourself taking every opportunity to separate yourself from the chaos and get some kind of mental relaxation. Today, I joined KidK in the backyard and, while he ran around with various diggers and his lawnmower, I built a tiny wall. It lasted just long enough for him to notice and use his wrecking ball to knock it over (at least I gave him permission first).

I realized how lonely I am. I see my Village back in Baltimore doing things together, their kids involved in joint activities and building new skills, and I feel like we're in limbo here. But without the added support of a village, I lack the mental energy to really involve my child as much as I want to.

This makes me feel like an utter failure. My child does not paint or do crafts or join in circle-time at the library (believe me, I've tried). He will play out the same 4 second clip of his favorite stories over and over. It's great that he's so into imaginative play, but I wish he'd be more willing to expand on the storylines a bit.

This post has no purpose. Just tossing leaves into the void.

 
 
 
gipsieeegipsieee on March 31st, 2015 08:08 pm (UTC)
I could make the same sort of post myself... based on non engagement and imagination based play being slightly behind and me having no spoons for engagement.
Hugs if they w are welcome. Mothering is hard work.
Juliarattgirl on April 1st, 2015 03:40 am (UTC)

Hugs are always welcome.

LilacMoonlilacmoon5 on April 7th, 2015 02:17 pm (UTC)
Not all of them are participating as much as you might be imagining they participate. V & A usually wander pretty aimlessly during the Nature Activity part of the Banneker class. V is just now starting to somewhat ignore that there are so many strangers at the classes and participate a little. She is 10 months older than KidK. V & L are not happy to be at swimming. Hugs


I am realizing that in our culture the titles Teacher, Coach, Doctor, Nurse, Dentist are expected to be granted automatic friend status. Friendship as opposed to stranger. I have no idea how to fix that issue, V does not grant friendship easily. She is still a bit unsure some of the other Daddies.

Edited at 2015-04-07 02:33 pm (UTC)
Juliarattgirl on April 7th, 2015 04:48 pm (UTC)

KidK seems to waver back and forth between desperately wanting other kids to play with him, and sternly rebuffing any other child's friendly advances. I am hoping that regular exposure to the same kids will rekindle the love of joint (or at least cooperative parallel) play that he was developing with the Mini Dragon and Miss I.