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28 March 2015 @ 12:44 pm

We're supposed to have a potluck picnic in the park tomorrow with the various family-groups we're slowly attempting to mush into a Village. I am estimating a turnout of half the attendees who expressed excitement in being there, because that's usually the number that comes to any get-together I organize. I've given up on thinking it's due to some inherent seething cloistered hatred of me, and instead have attributed it as one of my ass-backward superpowers. Half-Attendance Girl! Able to accurately gauge party arrivals to within half a family unit in a single invite!

To that end, I will not overproduce food. Maybe if I only bring enough for the estimated half attendance, then Murphy's Law of Parties will kick in and everyone will decide to come. Regardless, I have 32 hot dog buns. There will be two dozen deviled eggs and some lemon-parsley potato salad, and probably a few gallons of water in a cooler.

Whatever happens, at least KidK gets to play in the park, so that's nice.

22 March 2015 @ 08:24 pm
I suppose it's a bit of poetic....something, that when I move back to the place where I grew up, I would have difficulty finding good friends. After all, I had rather a lot of trouble finding good friends when I was growing up, too, albeit for entirely different reasons. Now I'm older, far better at socializing, and somewhat in control of my schedule, so the roadblocks I encountered as a teenager have dissipated. Now, it seems to be life itself that gets in the way. I've met some people that I like, that I get along with, who also seem to really enjoy hanging out and talking with me...but I'm a stay-at-home mom, and they all have full time jobs. With the scheduling difficulties that come with only having two days a week to really socialize, these people wind up wanting to do stuff, but having other commitments (like holidays, trips, other friends, family...the usual). While that is somewhat upsetting for me, I'm more concerned about KidKinetic. He's hitting this stage where he wants to try playing WITH other kids instead of just around them, but he's not getting enough opportunities to build relationships with other kids. He'll see kids at the park now that it's warmer, but they're all strangers. He'll see LOTS of kids at SkyZone, but that area doesn't really encourage any kind of cooperative play. He has one friend that he just adores, but due to her mom's work schedule, he only gets to see her once every couple of weeks. So it winds up being him and me all day, every day until the Professor gets home.

Today, a gal I'd briefly run into at SkyZone last month came over with her son and husband. KidKinetic and her son had spent an enjoyable half hour or so playing on snowdrifts outside SkyZone, and she and I had found a lot in common while we'd chatted then, so they came over for brunch and Settlers of Catan. KidK was SO excited to see that little boy again, he was a complete manic mess for most of the day. No naptime for either of the boys, and they seemed to keep getting along, although KidK is definitely the more energetic of the two. His new friend is almost a full year younger, but reminded us poignantly of our "half-child" from back in Baltimore. Same quiet thoughtfulness and determination to figure out things like doors and keypads. :) Our guests and I had a fun game of Cities and Knights (the Professor was having a hard time concentrating on the game with KidK so manic, so he decided to play official Kid-Watcher while we played), and they wound up spending almost 7 hours here. I could definitely see having more get-togethers with them, although since they live about 35 minutes south of us, it'll be a little more difficult.

We're trying to put together a group picnic and playdate in the park for next weekend. Of course, some folks already have plans for the weekend, and some others will only be able to come for an hour or two, but I'm taking every successful social event as another step in rebuilding a shadow of the Village we had in Baltimore.

I knew it would be different, trying to make new friends as parents, but I didn't realize just how much more difficult it would be. It seems so easy to make friends as brand-new parents, because there are SO many groups and events tailored to brand-new parents. But existing parents are apparently supposed to just make friends through their jobs (because once those first 6 weeks of birth are out of the way, Americans are all supposed to be back to work full time, doncha know?), or their kids' daycare (because everyone is back at work), or through their toddlers' classes (because every toddler is supposed to be in Yoga or Dance or Soccer or Piano or Swim or Gymnastics, I guess)...the SAHM parents in this area seem to be extremely insular. I start to wonder if my Village back in Baltimore came across that way....?
Current Location: Home
I Feel: : exhaustedexhausted
You know you're getting older when you decide that you're tired of the craziness of a vast majority of social media and retreat back to the (relative) sanity of your LiveJournal.

Catching up can wait until I have more than 15 minutes free to organize my thoughts.

Parenting a hyperkinetic toddler means you make the most out of every spare minute, and when you're trying to "conduct business" (in my case, crochet superhero hats) during a naptime that has suddenly been shortened to 45 minutes, posting to LJ is a luxury that will just have to wait until your husband gets home to distract your child. ;)

But hey, spambots and random people! I'm back...for now. This experiment is being conducted to find out whether I can maintain a blog if there's actually evidence that people are reading it. *grins* It worked pretty well the last time there was any significant activity, which was....um...yikes, 2007?

Y'know...that really says something for LJ, that it's STILL HERE AND KICKING after all this time. You go, LJ. Keep rocking with your bad self.
Current Location: Home
I Feel: : Whimsical
I'm Hearing:: Deadmau5, Some Chords
13 December 2010 @ 09:03 pm
(For those of you on Facebook, yes, this is the same note)

So, I have been doing/done "things" [Unspecified] to "various people" [unspecified] that You [the writers of the missives I've been receiving over the past few weeks, be they through public comment, private Facebook message, or text] care about. Oh, and I'm not aware that these things have been hurting these people, and by extension, you. Key point there. Always, I'm unknowingly doing lots of things that have been hurting people.

For this/these reasons, you can no longer be my friend. Oh, and I'm not to contact you in any way, because you don't want to hear/read what I have to say.

The other good one is the person who added that they would have talked to me about some of these things in the past, but I haven't wanted to listen to anyone who's disagreed with me. That was especially awesome, because that person has barely spoken to me more than once every couple of weeks for the better part of a year, and definitely wasn't going out of their way to try to talk to me about anything over the past six weeks...they accused me of being a bitch once or twice, but at no point did they ever say "You know, these things have been going on, and you don't seem to be noticing." Never approached me as a friend who actually thought I might have been doing things without knowing their effects on others...only as a bringer of judgement who automatically assumed I knew everything that was going on and had NO GOOD REASON WHATSOEVER for my actions. And then has the gall to say "I haven't wanted to talk to anyone who's disagreed with me." How about you don't approach me as a guilty, malicious person...maybe, as a friend you care about who may be making bad decisions she's unaware of...and see how well I take disagreement then?

Because none of these people has bothered to ask me, at ANY point, for my side of the story. And none of them...not ONE...has spoken up until they've decided it's time for them to pass judgement.

Never. Not for any situation. They have gotten "my side" of the story either second- or third-hand, or from increasingly negatively-biased sources, or not at all. And they have no interest in HEARING my side of the story, apparently.

They have made their judgements. They have passed down their verdicts. And they have deemed me unworthy. I am a Bad Person. Oh, of course I'm doing all these things "unwittingly"...so perhaps I'm just a Bad Stupid Person. Either that, or that's their way of making sure they feel like the Good Person for giving me that "out". "I'm sure that if you were paying attention to what was going on, you never would have done those things, but you're under the despicable influence of that horrid fellow, and you're not in your right mind. You're not yourself."

Delightful. Especially considering none of these people has ever, not EVER, sat down to talk to Auriel about his part in these events, his feelings about me, or anything outside of some previous social niceties two months or more ago. They don't know him from Adam, and they apparently have no desire TO know him, because they've all decided he's some sort of wicked magician who's stolen away the sweet loving Julia who did everything in the world for Tom and turned her into a fickle, wild, crazy bitch who only thinks about herself.

*shakes head* Why do these people call themselves my friends? Or ex-friends, I suppose I should say? What kind of friendship is that?

I Feel: : melancholymelancholy
13 December 2010 @ 12:22 am
 Auriel and I went to Iowa City this past weekend, so I could visit old friends and he could see my old stamping grounds. 

I took him to Oakland Cemetery to hunt for old tombstones and visit the Black Angel.

He proposed to me as we stood beside the angel's pedestal, shadowed by her outspread wing.
Yes, I said yes.  *grins*

I know there will be those out there saying, "Damn, that's sudden; what's wrong with your head?" I've gotten that from a couple people already. *shrug* Honestly, while I understand their position, they don't understand mine, nor do they seem to have any inclination to actually try to comprehend my point of view. For those reasons, while I understand their criticisms, I don't put any weight on them. If you can't at least try to see all sides of a situation, your opinion is always going to be unbalanced. 

I also know that there are going to be (well, already are) people who are of the opinion that I am a fickle, emotionally unbalanced, immature little chit of a girl who's just running around falling into relationships with every guy who offers to put a ring on her finger. 

To those people, I proffer a respectful and dignified "Fuck you." Especially those who claim to be my friends and then make that sort of accusation. You get double. In fact, I wonder how on earth I could ever have considered you friends, if you know and understand me that little. 

Defensive? Yes, I am. I would prefer not to be. I'd prefer to just be like your usual newly-engaged woman and be happy and glowing, surrounded by her loving, supportive friends and family. I do have some very loving, very supportive friends. I'm eternally grateful to whatever fate, karma, or supernatural sky-cake-baker has seen fit to provide me with such amazing people to call "Friend". But as this is an unusual situation and I am an unusual person, I don't get to have the usual reactions from the usual people. I get complexity, controversy and confusion. I accept this. Even more so, I accept having someone so wonderfully complementary to my personality, personal outlook, and lifestyle as my mate and life partner. 

To those out there who don't understand, all I can ask is that you be patient and open-minded. To those who do understand, thank you. 

Anyway, I'm still ridiculously happy. 
I Feel: : ecstaticecstatic
30 November 2010 @ 09:08 pm
...well, probably not end, per se, but this is going to be rather epic. I can't even believe how much has happened in the last few months, not to mention the past two years. You probably won't either, but I'm laying it out there for...some reason. Possibly pure narcissism, but more likely because in a year or two I'll be back here, reading this post and comparing it to what's going on in my life that day. It's a recurring theme for me. Then again, this has quite possibly been one of the oddest and most amazing periods of my entire life, and I feel myself poised at a precipice with two distinct and equally terrifying (albeit for entirely different reasons, and one sort of terrifying is actually quite wonderful) prospects stretching out below me. My life could be the stuff dreams are made of, or it could crash and burn at my feet in a screaming hailstorm of blood, shit, and the tears of a generation.

Sounds fun, eh? Yeah.

Beware: DENSE with text, people...Collapse )

So yeah. A lot has happened lately. I'd go into more detail, but frankly, this post is long enough already, and my brain is starting to congeal after three days of typing about it.
23 September 2010 @ 10:11 pm
My friend Auriel (who none of you know unless you've met him, or are reading this on Facebook and happen to have run across his page) sent me a link to his blog today, as an example of what he was like in his 20s (as he's been writing in it for the better part of a decade). In return, I sent him a link to my Livejournal; as is the norm for me when coming across my old writings after an extended period away, I narcissistically have to go back and read them.

What surprised me was noticing that my last post was from exactly a year ago. In fact, in 11 minutes it'll have been EXACTLY a year ago. It's a ridiculous thing to be excited about, but since when has that ever stopped me? I live for getting excited over ridiculous little things.

So yeah, posting a little update just to commemorate the occasion.

I'm starting to think I need to start up a new journal. There's been a lot on my mind, of late, and I'm realizing that there's quite a bit I'd like to be able to get out in text...but don't necessarily want to share with the whole world. Or perhaps, I'm only interested in sharing these thoughts with complete strangers. It's somewhat of a departure from my normal "Hey, everybody! Be privy to my every random thought and whim!" mode, but I suppose we all develop a sense of necessary intellectual privacy as we age.

God, I'm 32. *shakes head* I don't feel 32. Hell, what's it supposed to feel like? All I know is that when I was a kid, my parents were in their 30s. They started early enough for my mom to have only turned 40 the year I graduated from high school, which is great for them, I suppose. (They have more than half their lives to live free of the obligations of child-rearing.) But to think that when my mom was my age, she had a 10-year-old and a 12-year-old, was living on a farm, owned horses, and had recently started a new career as a lab tech...well, that's not me at the same age. Sure, I've been married and divorced twice (*snickers* I don't know why that amuses me, but it does), but I have no kids, I'm still renting my apartment (with my boyfriend), and my career choice is: Cook. I don't really feel particularly grown-up, you know? Perhaps that's a trait that's not uncommon to my generation, but it still strikes me as odd.

I've been noticing lately that people my age seem to be falling rather neatly into two diverse groups: 1. Those who, like me, are still "finding themselves" and living the sort of life most would equate with people in their 20's, and 2. Those who've gotten married and are working on families, concentrating on buying/paying off homes, and attempting to follow This Are Serious Careers.

Not saying there's anything at all wrong with option 2, but it's definitely not my style. I like stability, oh indeed I do, but I don't feel it has to come with 18-20 years of extra responsibilities and stress attached. For some people, having and raising children is the ultimate expression of their love and their desire to contribute to the world. For me, the ultimate expression of my love and desire to contribute to the world is to be the very best friend, cook, girlfriend, and person I can be. I know, that theme has come up rather often in my (ha ha) recent posts, but my opinion hasn't changed at all in the last year. If anything, it's solidified into a bona-fide core belief.

Considering all the good it's brought me, I can't say it's been anything other than the right decision for me.

Anyway...right. Gonna go read an old blog now.
23 September 2009 @ 09:53 pm
So yeah, this definitely goes down in history as the worst I've ever hurt myself, at least in terms of how much medical attention I've had to receive.

Turns out that what originally happened was they'd thought I'd only nicked the tendon sheath, not the tendon itself. So the original surgeon sewed up the sheath, muscle, and skin. When I met with the hand surgeon, he took a look at my thumb and instructed the nurses to put me in a cast for a week, after which he'd take another look at it. The hope was, with my thumb immobilized, it'd heal up by itself. That happens sometimes, I guess. This wasn't one of those times. At the end of the week of becastedness (my first cast!), I went back to the surgeon, who asked me to try moving my thumb and then scheduled me for surgery 3 days later. I was kinda freaked out. I'd never had surgery before. But Tom took me to the hospital three days later, sat with me in the little prep room, and took me home after it was all over. (The sedative they gave me for the surgery included something that gave me mild amnesia on top of being all muddle-headed, so my memory of the surgery itself is pretty hazy. I stared at the huge light fixture and thought random thoughts until they pulled back the curtain and oh look! There's my hand all wrapped in bandages.) The post-surgery instructions included an injunction NOT TO WORK until I got the temporary plaster cast (hidden beneath the bandages) removed and a proper fiberglass cast put in its place. So I spent ten days taking a lot of walks, hanging out at Tom's house, and getting addicted to icanhascheezburger.com.

Two days ago, I went back to do the whole cast-replacement thing. My cut looked much better this time. Before the surgery, the initial cut hadn't been healing properly. Even after two weeks, it was still partially open on one side. This time, after 10 days, the cut had pretty much completely sealed. They put my fiberglass cast on (I got a black one this time, and decorated it with silver Sharpie and acrylic paints to look like a bionic arm!) and told me I could go back to work with the same restrictions as the last time I had a cast (only lift 2# with my right hand; unlimited use of my left hand, etc. etc.). Sooooooooooooo I went back to Grocery today.

I get this cast off on October 12th. According to my surgeon, I'll be good as new then.

Work had me signed up for Workers' Comp from the start, apparently. Since I was hired full-time and was only able to get part-time work due to my injury, WC is paying me the difference, plus compensation for the week I wasn't allowed to work at all.

Other than freakishly getting used to having a cast on my right arm, I'm doin' pretty darn well. Huzzah!

(Oh, side effect of all this: I chopped my hair back to 80's new-wave punk lengths so I could wash it one-handed! It looks cute :))
I Feel: : optimisticoptimistic
31 August 2009 @ 06:40 pm
I'd originally thought, this last time that I cut myself at work, that it wasn't too bad. I even fought going to the hospital. Then the doctor told me I'd nicked (and therefore caused a rip in) the tendon on top of my thumb. I had three stitches put into the tendon to reconnect the ripped portions, four stitches to reconnect the muscle, and four stitches to suture the skin together. I was given a prescription for antibiotics, my thumb (and hand) were wrapped with a small splint to keep my thumb in place, and I was told I wasn't to use my right hand for 10 days, after which I could get the stitches out.

The doctor also told me that there was a chance I may have to contact a hand surgeon if I didn't regain full use of my thumb in that time.

I was allowed to take the splint off after 3 days, which I did. My thumb still aches, but it doesn't hurt like it did initially, unless I try to bend it. I have full range of motion at the base of my thumb, where it connects to my palm, but the second joint is very stiff. I can't really bend my thumb further than 10 degrees, and...I can't straighten it at all, unless I use something else (like my other hand) to straighten it. There's no pain in straightening my thumb; I just don't have the ability to do so without outside assistance. It's like there's nothing there. That worried me enough that I called the hospital today to ask if that was just a normal stage of the healing process, since I still have 5 days until the stitches come out. They said no. I should have some control in straightening my thumb.

I was instructed to contact the hand surgeon whose information was provided in my ER release papers as soon as possible. As my boss is the one with those papers, I have to go out to work tomorrow and ask for them, and explain why.

At this point, I have about an 85% likelihood of needing to get hand surgery to fully repair the tendon and regain full use of my thumb.

I have no idea how long that's going to lay me up in terms of being unable to work.

I was lucky enough to get part-time work through WSGC, helping the Grocery department stock on truck days. It's made me violate the injunction to not use my right hand, but I'm not trying to use my thumb at all. It does get bumped and knocked around from time to time, but no more than it would by rolling over in my sleep or putting on my clothes in the morning, so I figure that's ok. What terrifies me is that I'm going to get surgery and they're going to demand that I NOT WORK for however long it takes for my hand to recover.

I can't afford that. People keep telling me I should just take the Worker's Comp. and that'll be enough (and it would; just barely), but I can't just NOT WORK for weeks! I'd go crazy with guilt, not to mention the forced inactivity. It's been bad enough as it's been so far, having difficulty dressing myself, tying my shoes, and not being able to bike (although it's been nice enough, walking everywhere). But hand surgery would pretty much guarantee that my right hand would be almost completely out of commission while my thumb healed. That terrifies me.
10 August 2009 @ 09:11 pm
..no, honest! Barely two weeks after smacking my head open against a truck, I manage to chop off part of my right index finger while chiffonade-ing spinach at work. On the plus side, I don't have to pay for the hospital trip for this one. On the other plus side, I have a groovy wound to play with again. However, even though I'm left-handed, I DO use my right hand for many tasks, and having a huge wad of gauze on my right index finger has been annoying. Thankfully, the gauze came off two days ago and the false scab finally came off today, so the full-on healing has commenced and probably won't take more than a week to complete.

(False scab = gauze saturated in a clotting agent that was layered over the missing piece of my finger in an attempt to stop the bleeding without having to cauterize the wound. Basically, I was paper-mache'd with my own blood for glue. Nifty! Once the wound had closed itself up by skin re-growth, the false scab came right off.)

I have made a vow to try to avoid any more hospital trips this year. Sure, my health insurance kicks in soon, but I'm not THAT fond of getting injured. Minor cuts, scrapes and illnesses don't bother me, but I'd prefer to stay away from those things that require professional attention. Besides, these injuries keep interfering with life! I don't LIKE getting laid up for a day or two to recuperate. Bleh.

I move this weekend. The imminence has gotten so strong that all I can do now is sit, half-paralyzed, and try to make plans.

Thursday after work, I'm helping my previous employers with a catering gig. After that, I'll probably head home and start the Final Pack.

Friday is Final Pack day. Basically, that means running around the apartment, finding all those things I've had here for the last 8 months and throwing them into boxes and bags. Small appliances, books, clothes, toiletries, etc. etc.

Saturday is Moving Day. Unfortunately, the truck rental doesn't start until 3pm, so that means more running around the apartment, trying to make sure I've grabbed everything and getting things into some semblance of order for being loaded. I can officially move into my apartment at noon, so I'll probably spend some time in my empty space, doing the move-in checklist, while I wait for 3 to roll around. I'm most likely going to be assisting with Gabe's move, since it's his truck rental (and the faster that gets done, the sooner I can get my stuff loaded and moved). The truck has to be back by 9pm, which means I'll have enough time to get things unloaded...and then I have to go to bed, since I work at 6am Sunday morning.

...that's about all I have planned. Once I move, I won't have internet for a while (other than when I take my laptop downtown), until I can either a) find someone in my building who's willing to share a wireless connection with me in return for help on the bill, or b) convince myself to pay the exorbitant monthly fee for getting ONLY internet installed in my apartment. we'll see which comes first. :P